Helping hand

I had gone to Stop & Shop to do my biweekly grocery shopping a few days ago. I brought my reusable bags and filled all five with healthy(er) foods and was ready to load them into my car. I pushed my cart out the automatic doors and down the ramp to the parking lot. In front of me was an obese, elderly woman in an electric wheel chair with her reusable grocery bag hanging off the back of the headrest of her wheelchair. I scooted around her and as I did I heard, “Miss?”

So, I turned around and she had stopped in the parking lot and was reaching around to the bag hanging off her chair. “Would you help me? I think I left a bag in the checkout line.” So, I took the bag off the head rest happily, and showed her the contents. “Oh, I had two bags…I must have left the other one inside. *grunt*” I put the bag back on her head rest and began to head back to my cart. No sooner did I turn around did I hear, “OH! Here it is!” She had tied it to the side of the arm rest. “It’s that time, I suppose. Ya’ll had better be good to us – it’ll be your time soon, ya know!” I humored her and laughed, told her to have a good rest of her day, and headed back to my car smiling. 

I put my groceries in the car, still smiling, excited that I had a story to tell Lacee when I got home. I pulled out of the spot and stopped at the edge of the parking lot to turn onto the busy street. Right beside me I saw the woman in the wheelchair cruising along…with two (yes two) cigarettes in her mouth. I laughed to myself and pulled out of the parking lot, leaving the smoking wheelchair in my past, with an entertaining story to look forward to in my future. 

Connecting with people, in any way, touches me – just as I hope it touches everyone else. I learn, I laugh, I collect experiences and stories that have no monetary value, but I keep them all the same. That’s what we’re all here for, right? To socialize and grow and build communities and enrich the human race. Smiling, laughing, crying, thinking, questioning, and learning – that’s why I go where I go and do what I do. Experiencing my life instead of just living it… is beautiful.

Straightforward honesty

As stated in my introduction somewhere, I am a lesbian. I am out, proud and I love women. I’m not obnoxious or flamboyant; I’m just here and queer. I have a short haircut and I don’t dress very girly. My style tends to be rather androgynous but I have a female figure. Some people’s gaydar goes off when they see me and some don’t. It’s usually a 50/50 thing.

I was on the bus, going home, on Valentine’s Day a few days ago. I sat next to a nice woman and she began chatting with me. First about my phone, and then about other random things. She was very friendly and it’s not every day that the person you sit next to on the T in Boston starts up a friendly conversation with you.

This woman asked me something that no stranger had ever asked me. She was talking about Valentine’s day and asked me why I didn’t have any plans. This is how the conversation went:

Her: “You don’t have a– are you gay?”
Me: “Yes.”
Her: “You don’t have a girlfriend?”
Me: “Nah.”
Her: “Probably best. why deal with other people’s bullshit when you have your own to deal with?”
Me: *laugh* “You know what? No stranger has ever come out and just asked me, point blank, if I am gay.”
Her: “Well, I know it’s rude, but I wanna know. Doesn’t matter to me, I just don’t want to assume that you are or you aren’t and be wrong either way!”
Me: “No, I think it’s great. I wish more people were as okay with just asking that kind of question as you are – I think it’s important.”

Made me smile. The fact that she nonchallantly asked me about my sexual orientation when we had only known each other for less than five minutes was incredible. Being honest and straightforward is beautiful.

Intensive encounter

I dread doing laundry. I live in an apartment complex where, in order to do my laundry, I have to leave my apartment, go out the back door, through the courtyard, into the building next door, up to the second floor, around the corner, down to the first floor and to the laundry room *deep breath*.

My dirty clothing pile had merited it’s own zip code, so I decided it was time to launder the filthy mess. I loaded it all up in my laundry bag and climbed down the flight of stairs to begin the trek to the laundry room. I managed to only have two loads of laundry, which equals three dollars. I came back in a half an hour and all of the dryers were either broken or taken. I only knew that the empty driers did not work because the elderly woman burning a hole in my back with her eyes, alerted me.

I decided that I would wait because her driers only had 17 minutes left and I didn’t think that going back to sit on my couch for a few minutes was worthwhile. Immediately, this woman began talking to me.

I learned her entire story; where she was born, where she’s lived, the nature of her life’s work, what her mother used to cook for her, where she had each of her children, the names of her grand children and their children, all of the people who are presently dead or alive in her life, and many other little facts. This woman was born and raised in Alabama and moved to Boston in the 60′s. She is 71 years old and stopped working two summers ago. She still had her Alabama accent and that wonderful southern way of telling a story. Her life could be a movie. I couldn’t stop smiling.

I was so impressed that I was able to learn this woman’s life story in the 17 minutes it took her laundry to dry. I can honestly say that I have always wanted to meet a stranger (and I always imagined it someone completely different than myself) and learn all about them, and never see them again. Her name is Dotty. She made me smile, she enriched my life – she might not know what those 17 minutes meant to me, but I will never know what they meant to her either. Two lives can connect for a moment and mean a million, while we all have relationships that linger for years and bring us nothing at all.

Those 17 minutes were beautiful. Being given the time to listen to learn about a total strangers life is beautiful.